A good case of ?

When I was little, I always thought that you would meet someone and that person was who you were stuck with forever. When I met my first boyfriend I believed that was the case and after certain events happened that caused me to play in this dating world, I learned finding the one is too damn hard, the effort and time and trying not to lose yourself to the conform of others can become tricky. I used to think good guys who meant what they said existed, the feeling of whatever they say and you believe every word and you don't have to worry about anything. That's the best feeling ever. Lately it's felt like everything has been piling up and I try to work it out but it's gotten to a point where I don't know what to do, you want to keep something but how can you when they've done things you can't forgive them for? When I think about it I get mad for a sec and then my anger turns to sadness because it's sad where I've come this far in life and once again I find myself getting shit thrown at me. I've become sad with myself because I feel like I'll never find someone who will respect me, love me for me, and just trust me with anything. I keep getting trust issues left and right piled up and my anxiety is at an all time high, why do people do stupid things ? Like why can't you be normal and just keep your mouth shut? I'm 21 and I feel like maybe my life will just consist of dating all the wrong guys because that's probably what I deserve for even doing the one person who loved me wrong, karma exists guys. Or maybe I'm better off alone, my mind is too tired to want to restart a relationship and get to know someone. Your life story bores me now and I probably won't find you interesting, but I'm here just being honest because after all if you can't be honest with yourself you could never be honest with someone else.