New beginnings...

2014 just barely started about 2 months ago and it seems like i'm already dreading this year, its like i've been trying to close back to back chapters in my life. The life of someone I knew the most was cut too short and I bear at the thought of keeping all the things I wish I could have said forever in my heart. The things you wish that happened, the things you wish that didn't happen, the things you wish you would have said and the things you wished you wouldn't have said. Stop time and rewind a few months ago where you see a boy and a girl completely in love, airing in happiness and soaking in love, these things consume you and make you blind of all the realizations in life and like a dream that moment is gone. No matter how much you tried to protect me from the demons that inhabit my mind, confusion and sadness were two vital roles that took over, to help me cope with a sudden separation and heartbreak I did things I shouldn't have done and the "me" you once knew was no more. For a moment it's like my life was a complete limbo and my vision was clouded, "who am I?" "what am I doing?" "where are you?" I kept these questions on repeat and play like a tape recorder for all the days I have been alive and will be alive. Haunting is your own reflection and not knowing who that person is, the things you thought you wanted are the things that ended up destroying you. We latched on our promise that someday our "one day" would come, the promise I had made to you and the one you accepted unwillingly crept up like a cramp. The warmth of your hugs and the sweetness of your kisses lingered on me that love was on sight and that our day was going to happen.......... now all I have is our memories and that genuine smile you engraved in my mind. Life hits you with hard blows and you can only think its for the better, at least thats what I must believe in.. You now know the love and happiness that the ones that are left here can't comprehend. Like the poem from E.E Cummings "I carry your  heart (i carry it in my heart)" I will keep my promise.